Before I enter upon this subject, I first mention the following. Men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love. Generalizing of course. In this way they are both really at odds with each other and not at all in a harmonious relationship; something like a business deal, or bartering. In order to learn to love you MUST avoid petting and even hugging and kissing profusely before you are married. At first you MUST learn to communicate and learn to appreciate the character of the other. If you do not, your relationship and marriage will turn to shambles. When times get tough--and that will happen--and your relationship is put to the test; it will not be saved by the bed, but by loving self sacrifice. Men tend to be egoists and women tend to be on the side of self sacrifice and both tend to go far in this. The bible calls men up to love their wives with all the power of their will and heart (agape love) and to live with them according to understanding and tender appreciation and to give them honor (that their own prayers be not thwarted). Sex is not a good basis for a marital relationship. Personally I failed in almost all of this.
Therefore it is a good thing if a guy first learns to keep his sex drive under control and not to think that his masculinity depends on sex alone. He MUST learn to give emotional warmth. Sex without love is selfish lust and it is a form of masturbation or even statutory rape. The idea of consenting adults (nowadays also at a very early age) is a male invention to keep women that do not know better under control. In times of so-called sexual liberation almost always the women are the victims and the children will be so later. The best thing a man can do for his children is in the first place to really love their mother. (The apostle Paul says in Ephesians 5 that 'he that loves his own wife, loves himself.' In other words, if you cannot accept and love yourself, you cannot love your wife. Start dedicating yourself to your wife and you will also learn to love yourself). As the marriage progresses in time men tend to become embittered and women tend to get disappointed accordingly. Also a man tends to take frustrations incurred on the job or in life out on his wife and the woman will lose her friendly appreciation for him and often will rebel in subtle ways and later openly and the man will feel inclined to go to the public women or to keep a mistress.
Personally I give preference to natural methods of preventing too many pregnancies (such as the Billings method or the basal thermometer when the woman has a stable cycle ((the daughters of Lot knew exactly when they were fertile and as women in the same household, they had the same cycle!)) ), but I do not condemn people that take recourse to prophylactics'; for there is a place for these. Those conservative or rebellious women that think they can simply make their husbands abstain for long times, should heed the apostle Paul who warns that the devil will tempt both the woman and the man.
And so I have already begun to talk about sex outside of the bedroom. In conservative circles there is a tendency to suppress the subject of sex. This because people are ashamed and feel guilty. And the latter not without a reason! In this short article I would like to defend the good of a gradual sex education for our children and even for ourselves as adults and that long into the marriage. Obviously most of us need not know what criminal investigators, sexologists or physicians are acquainted with. As far as art, novels and movies are concerned it would be good not to be too explicit and to avoid showing the marriage act; but rather to describe the latter in figurative ways. We would do well not to take advantage of nudity for dubious purposes, but look upon it (I do not mean [soft]porn!) as an artful part of creation; as something that goes beyond the personal sex between a rightful couple. Also, if we are decent about this, young people can be told that this is something the Lord has created.
I remember having been caught by my mother on having bought all kinds of books on sex education, as on my 15th I was already worrying about making my future wife pregnant every year. She lay hold of the books, hid them and took me to my father and he said that I need not worry as things were as easy as in the case of our dog. I was infuriated, comparing me with our dog!
The bible speaks the language of humans is meant for humans and is occupied with those things that are important for humans. Without a doubt this includes sexuality. If you hush this away, only trouble can ensue.
My first book was condemned in my religious circle and it was destroyed. Now in this book--apart from a few other things that were hard to accept for conservative Christians--I pictured and described the blessed situation of Adam and Eve before the fall. I had written that Adam had seen a deer stick his nose in the flank of a doe--not going further than that--and that he did not find a partner for himself. I did not even employ words like 'breast', let alone that I referred to more intimate parts. I attempted to explain that the N.T. states that we are of like feelings as Elijah and that one can legitimately transfer the application of that to Solomon's Song where he compares the breasts of his beloved to the whelps of a doe, or to clusters of grapes, and her stature to a palm tree that he would climb and whose fruits he would consume; but my pleas fell on deaf ears. "Be drunk with the breasts of the wife of thy youth at all times," Solomon said. But if you say or write that publicly--even though the Bible itself does so--then you are a sinner on his way to hell.
Now, I have been upbraided also over my short stories and other conservatives would exclude me like a wicked one, without giving it a further second of thought, if they would know of my book 'Gospel of Love' that I wrote in 1997.
I remind you of and refer you also to the sexual language of the bible in the prophets and Samuel, where a prophet states that "They neigh everyone after his neighbor's wife like well fed stallions" and another text where it is said that "They have an ejaculation like horses" and another passage where the prophet is commanded "to walk with bare buttocks", so also his private parts were literally exposed for all to see. Of course this was a very rare exception indeed and Bathsheba maybe was a little careless when she washed herself on an inside terrace or garden. Then it is said of Saul and his companions that the spirit came over them and that "They lay naked all night" (in this case that might mean they lay without upper garment ((However in the N.T. in the sports centers naked meant stark naked. That is why the apostle Paul said to Christians: "If you still have your foreskin, let it be that way; and to Jews, if you are circumcised let it be that way." For there was a painful medical procedure that made it possible over time to undo the circumcision, by gradually drawing up the little remaining foreskin)) ). Then, last but not least, the beloved apostle Paul is so fed up with the circumcisers that he exclaims "That they also would mutilate themselves". One might say "May they also chop off their penises!". And by the way, if you feel dirty reading this, that is your own conscience talking! For ignorance and naiveté are not the same thing as true purity of heart. And if you are ashamed about your own sexuality, then you cannot enjoy your partner fully in this.
This is all very graphic language, of which some say that it is only meant for the bedroom. Because of such an attitude the boys and girls of many churches and communities have been kept ignorant and pedophiles can practice their sick games. It is so bad that in my street they say "Jesus saves; children pay attention!" For in Catholic churches priests have raped boys and girls for over 1500 years and have seduced women and girls in their parishes and also have practiced homosexuality. The institute of obligatory celibacy is indeed a doctrine of demons.
The point of the Kama Sutra is that one learns to enjoy natural sex, without shame or guilt. To force a recently deflowered virgin into position 69 (or worse make your girl friend do so) is a shameful and silly business that can only backfire as it will do more harm than good.
Other than that I would want to point out that the apostle Paul himself probably was divorced, or at least he must have been a widower (for else why were there brothers that would have forbidden him to marry!). Because it was customary for Pharisees to learn a trade, apart from the bible and to marry at 18. That he went to Arabia for a long time could well mean that he was divorced upon conversion and that he needed a long time to orientate. Then he learned from the Lord that 'it is better not to (re)marry'. "He that marries does well and he that does not marry does better." ". . . except if one burns for desire", "they that marry, will suffer oppression in the flesh". But do not forget the other verses that deal with divorce!
The bible mentions the stepdaughter of Herod dancing so brazenly that his sexuality was aroused and he made a thoughtless oath to her. Today we are used to such a kind of thing on the silver screen and our decency is impaired if we do not watch what we watch (looking at sexual 'things' on a screen is a poor form of voyeurism anyway). But this kind of dancing is not what Scripture is referring to when it says that there is a time to dance. It does not sanctify us nor brings us closer to our Lord. This holds also for partner dancing where people are in each others' arms, unless you are a married couple.