My name is Heinz Wehner. I was raised in a Christian family, but the truths of Christianity only sank in when I was about fourteen. I experienced a joy never felt before. My sins had been forgiven, my sinfulness atoned for by Christ! I was on my way to heaven! I witnessed to my friends, schoolmates, and neighbors. They told me it would not last, and that these were all fairy tales. But I smiled a mysterious smile. They did notice though that I had become a lot friendlier, and more ready to help people. Since I had a rational bent I started reading all kinds of Bible commentaries enthusiastically. I dreamed of becoming a great preacher or teacher. To realize that I moved to Canada to be imbued in the English language. Just before I moved I fell in love with a very nice girl. She had waist long hair and I loved that. We got engaged before I left overseas. Once in Canada our communication consisted only in writing and phone calls. Her family made all the preparations for the marriage. And so it happened that I came back after a year to marry my true love! I felt richer than any king! I thought that my happiness would never end!
But soon I found out that my young wife was one cold statue of petty emotions. At least that is what I thought then. I came down with a crash. She did not have a notion of what I was doing. So I called her dumb many a time. This alienated her from me. We had fights often. Imagine a woman so far from home finding out that her husband did not love her! Very sad indeed. I suppressed the whole thing in my subconscious, deeply buried away. My friend warned me many times that this was from the devil and that my family would suffer. In the meantime we had received two children from the Lord and my wife was busy with them. I neglected them, buying books upon books rather than good food and clothes for my family. The more my friend warned me the deeper I went into my studies. After a few years I had a mental breakdown. I had to abandon my studies and found a well paying job as a laborer. I bought a second hand Cadillac much to the dismay of my wife. Materialism now was my idol. My wife could not stand it anymore and had an affair. I could not forgive her. Both of us were virgins when we married and the only pure thing I appreciated in her was that she was wholly mine. On top of this I lost my job as well. However I kept fighting. I joined the local chapter of the union and was making more money than ever.
At this time my wife had grown so tired of me that she went for two months back to her family. In that time I had many discussions with my friend. At first I blamed my wife for everything and for all the bad luck I had had. But gradually he got through to me and drove the point home that my life had been a life of idols. My noblest ambitions had just been idols! Then we started praying at a regular basis. At first I just prayed out of respect for my friend and to pretend that I was a Christian after all. Gradually it got through to my greasy head that I was to blame! Then one evening I prayed earnestly with my friend, confessing that my faith was intellectual rather than from the heart. That night I wrote a poem. It ran as follows:
Just as I am, o Lord, I come.
Make me trust like a little child.
Just as I am, emotions numb.
Make me meek, make me o so mild.
Just as I am, undone, help me.
Make me feel always thy great Love,
Just as I am, I come to thee.
Make me free, harmless, like a dove.
Just as I am, please, heal my pain,
Make me walk hand in hand with thee.
Just as I am, can't stand this rain.
Make me new, make a newer me.
Just as I am, o give thy hand.
Make me love, make me also wise.
Just as I am, I sink in sand.
Make me low, cut me down to size.
Just as I am, o Abba Dad,
Make me live, thou art all I need.
Just as I am, so good so bad.
Make me shine, just a little bead.
When my wife read that she embraced me and kissed me with tears in her eyes. Not long after we started a family altar, and it was amazing to see the effect on my children. The best thing indeed a man can do for his children is to love their mother! Much later we found also out that the family that prays together stays together. End good, all good!