joke archive

Joke Archive

Bobby: "Do you realize that an evolutionist actually should not be gay!?"
"Why is that?"

"Because else evolution cannot really go on!"

Serious pastor's wife: "That these young women refuse to wear a head covering during the Sunday service, just drives me crazy!"
Bobby: "Then you turn crazy rather quickly, ma'am!"

Dennis to the evangelist: "You will never be able to convert me!"
"Why then, Dennis?"
"Because I'm converted already . . ."

Evolutionist to creationist: "Do you really believe then that God created the earth in 7 literal days!?"

"No, in 6!"

"If you say one more time 'Isa hu-Akhbar! (Jesus is great!),' then I will cut your throat and send you straight to hell!"

"O no, you won't, Mustafah; you only would send me straight to paradise!"

God must have at least one enemy, me myself.

"The problem nowadays in the church is that we are apathetic about the truth. We have become lukewarm and do you know what the Lord says about the endtime church that is neither hot nor cold?" the evangelist said.
"Who cares!" the response was.

A recently converted junkie sat on a park bench reading the bible. Suddenly he began shouting with joy. A modern pastor next to him asked him what all the commotion was about.
"I am just reading that God is so powerful that He led the Israelites through the red sea. That means He can help me as well!"
"You know, that particular place of the red sea is only 7 inches deep and a powerful wind had carried the water away," the pastor observed smugly.
A little later the junkie started shouting again. "What's it now?" the theologian asked.
"Look, the whole Egyptian army drowned in 7 inches of water!"

It takes a lot of love of self to keep arguing that love of self is biblically incorrect!

Do you know what was the name of Noah's wife?
Joan of Arc!

A rich man received permission from God to take one suitcase with him upon his death.
After deliberating whether he would take dollars with him or Suiss money, he decided on a large case with the purest refined gold.
At the pearly gate Peter looked surprised and said that it was not permitted to take anything with one. But upon inspecting the suitcase, he observed: "O, this is just pavement material!"

"Mommy, I just made a terrible discovery!" the five year old said with a serious face.
"What's that then, deer?"
"Uncle Peter must be way too heavy to go to heaven!"

"Do you know what the best way is to commit suicide!"
"You creep!"
" 'Mortify then your members that are upon earth, fornication, uncleanness, greed (beginning in your thoughts)!' " [See Colossians 3. 5; cf. Rom. 8. 13].

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an agnostic!?
Then you get somebody that knocks on your door with a bible in his hand, just stands there, says nothing, and raises his shoulders with a sheepish expression.

Bobby: "I know what language God speaks!"
Pastor: "What's that then?"
Bobby: "English, 'cause in Genesis 3 God says: 'Adam, where are you?(!)' "

Husband to wife: "You know, Pete is making a bundle selling bibles in the bible belt!"
Wife: "How is that possible, he stutters something aweful?"
Husband: "He asks them whether he should read the first chapter out loud to them!"

Bobby to the devoted Sunday school teacher: "Ma'am, do you know what the he-ass spoke to Balaam?"
Teacher: "I don't seem to remember, Bobby."
Bobby: "Nothing, it was a she-ass!"

Banker to Christian couple: "So you'll take the 25 year mortgage then?"
Wife to husband: "But how can we do this? The pastor says that the Lord can return anytime now?"

"Do you know why all the fish in the ocean are destroyed in the Apocalypse?"
"No, why then?"
"God wants to make sure there will remain nothing fishy around!"